Category Archives: 4 Boys

Lasts

When the words ‘Why don’t we all go to the park?’ were uttered, the moment was not lost on me. I told Sean to get his socks and shoes and I closed my Bullet Jounal, left a mess and got my things.

Because…what if this is the last time?

When the boys were younger, going to the park was a daily occurrence, practically a holy sacrement for many years. It was a necessity among all the other daily requirements.

But these days, this doesn’t happen. Ever. I am usually pleased when all 4 are just home, under my roof (so rare these days) at the same time.

The little cartoon devil and angel took up residence on my shoulders and whispered their own versions of the events in my ears.

Devil: This is it. One of the ‘lasts’. You might never see this again.
Angel: Sun. Laughter. Running children playing with each other. Soak it in because it’s one of life’s beautiful things.
Devil: Who knows if this will ever happen again.
Angel: Who knows if this will ever happen again.

The moment did not escape me. I grabbed it with both hands and reveled in it. I packed up this memory, carefully, and made sure I noted each and every detail.

Lately, I’ve been hit with the sentiment that goes something like, “Little kids, little problems, big kids….” So, maybe when the problems get too big, we can still solve them at the park.

Driving & Life Lessons

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I hand Gavin the keys to the car every chance I get. Yesterday was a long and winding, hour-long drive including highways, tricky corners and traffic circles. I’ve taken him out to drive in the dark and in the rain.

I thought I would be a super-cool mom that LOVED driving with my teen. It turns out that’s not the case. It makes me nervous, but his ability to be an experienced, competant and skillful driver trumps my need to not feel nervous. So I put on my seat belt, tune to a radio station I love and I crochet. It helps me to look more chill than I am.

At this point in life, he takes the wheel and decides on the speed and when to stop. With me as a guiding presence, a consultant if you will, he navigates the turns, calculates distances and chooses a different side road than I suggest to get to the same place. Of course.

I am accutely aware that without this junction, I leave him attempting to go from ‘non-driver’ to ‘driver’ status without the baby steps and trial and error that ensure he won’t take off the mirrors of all the cars on the right side of road. Oh, I’m so certain that is going to happen when he hugs that side of the road!

But it doesn’t. And we both learn.

I have so little time left for him to practice safely next to me – although I would prefer he take his seat in the back in a five-point restraint car seat and eat a granola bar. I have a little time to contribute my opinions to his decision-making and information bank. I feel looming pressure to make sure he knows everything he needs to know before he pulls out the driveway, alone, that first time. For now, he is a captive audience 🙂

He has begun, on occassion, to tell me to be quiet and let him drive. He assures me he’s ‘got it’ and that he is an excellent driver.

Thank God we’re just talking about driving and not his whole life, right?

What I Want Them To Know

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I have a dream of sending well-rounded, renaissance men out into the world. I want to embue them with the ability to write thank you and sympathy cards and make chicken soup from scratch. I want them to be adept at scrubbing pots and pans, unclogging the kitchen sink and making Tollhouse Cookies ~ by heart.

I have a Pinterest board entitled “Things I Want The Boyz To Be Able To Do” and it is a very long list. Skills on my list range from household, repair and social skills to and what I consider one of the most important skills any of us will ever possess – time and project management. Each time I think of something new, I make a note of it and look for opportunities for them to learn. I occassionally find myself doing something and realizing one of them hasn’t done it, so I call them to come for the experience. I am certain if you ask them – they will say that it is something about me that they really enjoy 😉

Mikey using a running stitch to repair a hole in his backpack.

I can attest that it is easier and quicker to get a job done without them, but in the long run, the benefits outweigh the cost. Please tell me the benefits will outweight the cost!

Both of our teens are enrolled in vocational high schools. Besides their high school requirements, they are learning an arsenal of skills that they can use to maintain their own property, employ themselves during additional schooling or develop a career in a society that is experiencing a real skills gap. We are extremely proud of both of them.

So while their high schools might have requirements to issue my kids their diplomas, I also have my own ideas about money management, accounting and taxes, meaningful sex education, self-defense, survival skills and home economics. I also maintain a list of interesting certifications that people (even young people) can earn that might make them useful and marketable teenagers.

Oh! Who couldn’t use more useful and marketable teenagers?

Skillz

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I have a list entitled, “Things I Want The Boyz To Learn”.

Algebra, world history, and chemistry have not made my list. They can pursue these things if they wish – or their schools require it, it’s just that my list is way more important.

How to tie and tie, clean a bathroom, grill a steak and an effective way to make a sincere apology ~ those are on my list. How to start a charcoal grill, light a fire in a fireplace and jump start a car. It’s a long list. I take every chance I can ~ or make sure someone else can ~ to teach them things they simple won’t and can’t learn in school.

I needed to send a paper registration and a check – what?! no internet? – to a government agency last week. I sat Sean down to do it with me. Trust me, these things are WAY easier to do without an apprentice – but it must be done. Return address, stamp and address. Nope, he didn’t know what a zip code was. I explained that we could send almost anything through the mail and stamps are actual currency. His idea of mail was junk mail and Amazon deliveries. He liked the ‘check’ idea too. His usual exposure to any form of payment is ‘the swipe’ 🙂

I made some homemade soup for a sick family member last week. I called the boyz off their various electronic devices and sat them at the kitchen counter – do you think they were thrilled? They have NO concept of why food preparation might be hard if you are ill or grieving. Their food magically appears without much care for the planning, the list, and the shopping. They are getting better at cooking – and don’t worry, “how to make lasagna and chicken soup” are on the list. I explained disposable containers were imperative and not asking, just doing, is the preferred method for providing food – that most people will say that they are ‘fine’. We are men of action – remember that, boyz.

Two of the boys, unfortunately, had the experience recently of learning how and why we send sympathy cards. Mikey, the sweet boy, asked if sending a card did not just remind the person of their loss. As sad as it was, I was glad we had a chance to talk about why we participate in certain social rituals regarding loss.

It takes a certain level of mindfulness to remember to pull them or push them into circumstances in which they can master all types of practical life skills. It is usually easier to do these tasks yourself, but not a good, long-term plan.

Other wise moms have reminded me that when there is a huge sink full of dishes – I am not the only one with working arms and when we are out of cookies….