I like this. I really like this. I actually like not yelling.
It is incredibly weird because I really thought I couldn’t do this. I really did not think yelling was my choice – but something I was ‘pushed’ to do. Hmmmm, I wouldn’t allow my kids to use that excuse….
So, I still get mad. My kids can be infuriating – wait, yours too?! Once I even laughed out loud because all I wanted to do was scream at them and since ‘I’m not doing that’ I stood in the middle of the floor just stewing and wondering what to do. You have to laugh if you can’t yell but you don’t have another solution. Does it not sound funny?
There have been a few ‘lectures’. I have kept my voice at a reasonable level, but I’ve gone on and on about why what did they did was wrong and how I was feeling about it. Clearly, I’m not breaking my ‘no yelling’ streak, but I need to deconstruct these incidents also. I honestly don’t feel they are productive or behavior changing either. Wow, am I at an impasse or what?
I can actually ‘see’ myself from outside sometimes. The other evening while ‘discussing’ something with Gavin – and I was infuriated – I could see myself struggling to keep my tone down and ask questions, which were being met with answers that were making me more crazy. I thought, ‘get a load of this chick – her head’s going to pop off!’ But it was me I was talking about! I could not believe I walked away from the situation without screaming bloody murder. But I did.
Another time I was really furious (that seems to come up a lot, doesn’t it?) and I just walked away and went somewhere else. I literally did ‘nothing’ about a situation that produced a whole ton of anger. I watched my clock. 11 minutes later, I did not feel the same way. It didn’t seem so terrible after 11 minutes. That’s a good sign. I think.
So here I am. I have 7 days under my belt. But here is what The Orange Rhino has to say about that. Truly, pride goes before the fall.
I do not yell everyday, so I am so surprised how hard ‘The Challenge’ has been so far. Having the reminder that I do not have ‘yelling’ in my ‘toolbox’ is strange. It illustrates for me, right away, that so many of my actions have not been conscious. I have wanted to yell, I really have. I have kids that have the talent of being able to push & push & push…wait? You do too?!
I wanted to yell when Mikey caused some drama over a Nintendo DS. Although I did not yell – I lectured him for a while about it. I am not sure the lecture did any good – but I know for sure that yelling hasn’t either. So I guess it panned out.
I wanted to yell at Gavin when he took a rubber band and shot it a geodesic, paper craft that I made – it’s pretty fragile. Since I am not yelling right now 🙂 it took me about 4 seconds to say ‘Gavin, I hate that you did that. I am offended and disappointed that you would treat something of mine that way.’ He looked genuinely sorry – and extremely surprised. Maybe he’s just wondering what is wrong with me. I often want to yell at him for badgering Sean. I did send him up to his room once because I was going to blow my top. I told him I sent him there to spare him & me.
Dennis accused me of yelling at him, but I maintain that I was NOT yelling and I never challenged myself not to yell at him anyway.
It’s a little freeing and I hoping to feel more that. It always makes me feel like crap, physically and fills me with guilt, to yell. Our upcoming vacation will fall into this challenge – should be interesting.