Ok, I’m not dead, but for several hours I almost wished I was. And for a while after certain medications administered to me at Overlook Hospital, I felt like I was.
I’ve hurt my back. Terribly. It began Sunday morning with a little ‘pinched’ feeling in my left lower back and hip when I bent down to sweep up some crud off the kitchen floor – you know, like I do 100 times a week without any untoward results. It kept getting more uncomfortable over the next couple of days and by Thursday evening I was experiencing back spasms that made it completely unable for me to even take a step. It was terrifying and excruciating. After some scary drugs and a clear CT scan I was sent home to work through my injury. What a metaphor I have here on my hands!
I don’t like to go slow in any way, shape or form. I can go, go, go – usually without any ill effects. I like to hurry and scurry, completing what ‘needs’ to get done so that I can continue on to what I ‘want’ to get done. But, when you are experiencing an injury, you are really at the mercy of your body. An interesting concept for me. I’ve been blessed enough to have a wise woman who obviously cares deeply for my well-being tell me to not only endure my current agony – but to listen to it. Sit with it. Ask what my body might be saying to me. I am not inclined to or gifted at this type of activity, but I can tell you now that it can be done.
I worked through what was really not working for me – Dilaudid, Valium, Percocet and laying down. I am listening to my ‘gut’ to see what is working for me – Advil, aspirin, heat, water, gentle walking and stretching. Did you hear that, walking!! I know that I am on the road to recovery, and I know that patience is a virtue – it’s just not my virtue. But maybe from this ‘life lesson’, a bigger dose of it can be mine!
I missed some things things week that I would have preferred not have missed. That would usually make me really angry (my go-to emotion). I feel like I made a little headway in accepting where I am and what I can do about it. I’ve had to ask for help and graciously accept generous offers. Dennis, of course, has carried the biggest load during my convalescence – he’s got skills! I’ve overlooked messes, giant messes, knowing that I will get to them in time. I’ve talked my body a little and to God a lot.