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Right This Second

It’s 1:30 on a Friday afternoon, when yet again, it hits me that Clan Costello is strange and different and seems to function outside of many societal norms.

This year’s two homeschoolers have begun a tea party. They have decided that they need tea – Mikey for his sore throat and Sean for his incessant love of herbal teas (this one purchased at last Sunday’s Renaissance Faire). I realize ‘Make Tea’ is a task in Michael’s home economics book, so the task becomes a little broader and intense.

Gavin walks in from school. He has taken an ‘light’ senior year, completing only the requirements he has left to graduate – English, gym and photography. Even with his welding shop and lunch, he is home very early.

Dennis works from home more and more these days. Why? I am unsure. Certainly the office is quieter and more civil. If I could go to an office, I would. He is chatting away on a conference call and it adds to the din.

Ethan, who is supposed to be at his day program, is not. 50% of weeks that go by, he insists his program is closed on Fridays. We, of course, know that it is not, but he thinks he’s tricky. He colors at the dining room table and requests ‘cowboy music’, which is my country music station. At least it’s not his Christams Music. I comply and it adds more decibels.

I occassionally pan out on our life and think that it’s nuts and wonder how we ended up with such a messy, crazy life. Dennis has a mantra that kind of goes like this – “What have we done?” Yeah.  We live in a very small house and I try to convince myself that moments like this are sweet. But then I brought back to ‘crazy’ and I guess for some folks, that’s just fine.

Sunday Scenes – It’s Been A Long Time

I used to post a series called ‘Sunday Scenes’. It was very helpful to my overall feelings about life.

**Disclaimer: ‘Sunday Scenes’ are in no way intended to pretend that life is perfect. It is an exercise that allows me (and you should you choose) to see that despite the fact that my life is less than perfect, there are sincerely perfect moments – and cookies.**

I am VERY grateful this guy has ways to entertain himself. AutaBuy keeps him busy for hours. And hours. See that stack?!

Do you know how I feel about making the bed? I feel very strongly about it.

 The kid who NEVER plays with anything, has been playing with these for days.

I might deny that I bought white bread in the bargain bin and made 25 homemade ‘Uncrustables‘ for spoiled children who LOVE them! I have been informed that my ‘seal’ on them was poor and the engineering aspect needs improved. Duly noted.

This cat.

Neil Gaiman and Mrs. Meyers help me clean the kitchen when I am completely unmotiviated. But it must be done.

Extra large,chewy chocolate chips. Perfect.

Work in progress. I waited and waited for this yarn from the UK. Worth the wait.

What Are You Going To Do About It?

The title of this post is said with a strong NJ accent, because that’s how I talk. (Pronounced ‘tawk’ – not ‘tahk’). A NJ accent NEVER includes the word “Joisey”. That was a speech impediment.

So what am I going to do about this? What am I going to do about the fact that my immune system has decided we are NOT friends and it isn’t going to pretend that we are. I know this is true, because I’ve had another small line of nasty, itchy shingles blisters and other crummy symptoms. Shit job immune system. Seriously.

I suppose my immune system might say the exact same thing to me, because I have done almost everything to make sure it is always at a deficit – from years of way too little sleep, eating a less than a nutritionally optimal diet, running high on cortisol all of the time, and generally taxing and burning it out at every turn. Paybacks are indeed a bitch.

I get very uncomfortable with words like ‘self-care’ and ‘stress management’, because my super-power would be labeled ‘The Ability to Plow Through Anything’. Wait, you have that too? Strange how things work for moms. Probably some dads. But, oh, moms! The things we put aside to fill the role as caregivers – for some of us, it has bordered on ridiculous and extreme.

There are things I have begun to identify that are going to be necessary to recover a level of health that will allow me to continue doing what I want  and need to do. I am always pragmatic in my approach to problem solving. The list of activities that I know will benefit my health is growing and crowding up the pages of a legal pad. They include improving my diet  nutritionally, herbal supplements, accupuncture, exercise and learning to meditate. I need to reduce my stress level. How about you? Funny, right?

But there is one thing that could literally change it all. In fact, if I can’t get it to happen, most of my other work will be meaningless. I can’t move this ahead, at all, if I can’t make ‘The List’. ‘The List’ drives my day and is the holy prescription for all that happens in a 24-hour period.

My bullet journal runs the show. It is canon and drives all that is to happen. But rarely do I find myself anywhere on it. I am sure to include EVERY SINGLE need my kids (and sometimes Dennis) have, but not the tasks that would add to my own health and well-being. Things like drinking enough water, taking my supplements or getting all the servings of veggies I am trying to fit in do not get check marks and that is proving to be too big of an oversight to manage much longer.

Current goal: Make it to The List 

How To Save The Day

Ocassionally, I feel the day slipping away from me. I feel flaky and unfocused with a thousand things to get done. My thoughts feel like random bits of confetti blown about the place. On a random morning last week, I found myself still in my pajamas and planted firmly in front of Part 3 of ‘The Jody Arias Story’ folding laundry at my kitchen island. The mint green display numbers on my stove read 10:23 and I began to panic.

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