Category Archives: thoughts

Lasts

When the words ‘Why don’t we all go to the park?’ were uttered, the moment was not lost on me. I told Sean to get his socks and shoes and I closed my Bullet Jounal, left a mess and got my things.

Because…what if this is the last time?

When the boys were younger, going to the park was a daily occurrence, practically a holy sacrement for many years. It was a necessity among all the other daily requirements.

But these days, this doesn’t happen. Ever. I am usually pleased when all 4 are just home, under my roof (so rare these days) at the same time.

The little cartoon devil and angel took up residence on my shoulders and whispered their own versions of the events in my ears.

Devil: This is it. One of the ‘lasts’. You might never see this again.
Angel: Sun. Laughter. Running children playing with each other. Soak it in because it’s one of life’s beautiful things.
Devil: Who knows if this will ever happen again.
Angel: Who knows if this will ever happen again.

The moment did not escape me. I grabbed it with both hands and reveled in it. I packed up this memory, carefully, and made sure I noted each and every detail.

Lately, I’ve been hit with the sentiment that goes something like, “Little kids, little problems, big kids….” So, maybe when the problems get too big, we can still solve them at the park.

 

What Are You Going To Do About It?

The title of this post is said with a strong NJ accent, because that’s how I talk. (Pronounced ‘tawk’ – not ‘tahk’). A NJ accent NEVER includes the word “Joisey”. That was a speech impediment.

So what am I going to do about this? What am I going to do about the fact that my immune system has decided we are NOT friends and it isn’t going to pretend that we are. I know this is true, because I’ve had another small line of nasty, itchy shingles blisters and other crummy symptoms. Shit job immune system. Seriously.

I suppose my immune system might say the exact same thing to me, because I have done almost everything to make sure it is always at a deficit – from years of way too little sleep, eating a less than a nutritionally optimal diet, running high on cortisol all of the time, and generally taxing and burning it out at every turn. Paybacks are indeed a bitch.

I get very uncomfortable with words like ‘self-care’ and ‘stress management’, because my super-power would be labeled ‘The Ability to Plow Through Anything’. Wait, you have that too? Strange how things work for moms. Probably some dads. But, oh, moms! The things we put aside to fill the role as caregivers – for some of us, it has bordered on ridiculous and extreme.

There are things I have begun to identify that are going to be necessary to recover a level of health that will allow me to continue doing what I want  and need to do. I am always pragmatic in my approach to problem solving. The list of activities that I know will benefit my health is growing and crowding up the pages of a legal pad. They include improving my diet  nutritionally, herbal supplements, accupuncture, exercise and learning to meditate. I need to reduce my stress level. How about you? Funny, right?

But there is one thing that could literally change it all. In fact, if I can’t get it to happen, most of my other work will be meaningless. I can’t move this ahead, at all, if I can’t make ‘The List’. ‘The List’ drives my day and is the holy prescription for all that happens in a 24-hour period.

My bullet journal runs the show. It is canon and drives all that is to happen. But rarely do I find myself anywhere on it. I am sure to include EVERY SINGLE need my kids (and sometimes Dennis) have, but not the tasks that would add to my own health and well-being. Things like drinking enough water, taking my supplements or getting all the servings of veggies I am trying to fit in do not get check marks and that is proving to be too big of an oversight to manage much longer.

Current goal: Make it to The List 

How To Save The Day

Ocassionally, I feel the day slipping away from me. I feel flaky and unfocused with a thousand things to get done. My thoughts feel like random bits of confetti blown about the place. On a random morning last week, I found myself still in my pajamas and planted firmly in front of Part 3 of ‘The Jody Arias Story’ folding laundry at my kitchen island. The mint green display numbers on my stove read 10:23 and I began to panic.

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New Year’s Weight Loss Resolution

Nope. Kidding. Won’t do it.

I did not and will not make a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight.

I am old enough and wise enough to know that it is not the answer for me. That’s right – I think there are different stokes for different folks and I have to do me – the deal is you can do you.

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