I was once Queen of the World.
You don’t think so?!
Check out the entries on this very blog from September, 2010 or July 2012 or June 2014. Farms and experiments, day trips and tiny, adorable children dot those pages. Easy, breezy fun happened at ever turn and all things were new and exciting. I had little kids whose needs, quite honestly, were easily met.
Even if I was not Queen of the World, I was, at least, Queen of Pancakes, Playdates, Parks and Picnic Blankets – and that is saying a lot.
I haven’t blogged much over the last year, because so much has changed and I now live on another planet. The terrain is unfamiliar and the atmosphere is completely different. Ethan is now an adult and I like to
vent my frustrations write about this new world at Living With A Happy Man. The system in which we are dealing and the emotions that I am contending with are running a tight second to the disconcerting first few years of his life.
The smiling, muddy homeschoolers who were the muses of most of my posts became teenagers and went off to public school. They took to that like fish to water, while I was left floundering a little in a very different role. Definitely NOT Queen of the World. More like waitress and chauffeur. I could not have known the immensity of the statement ‘little kids, little problems’ and the converse about big kids until now. I have really, really good kids – and this teen parenting thing is intense. Emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually, I am always reckoning with an issue with or for one of them.
The adorable, miniature accessory I used to have, otherwise known as ‘Sean’, does not even resemble the skinny little toddler who graced my pages with great photos entitled ‘The Daily Sean’. He is 8 and thinks he’s 12. No kid shows or toys for this one. I’ve been cheated. Homeschooling alone is nothing like the homeschooling a passel and we are trying to find our footing on this new planet I told you that we now inhabit.
My teens do not love me sharing their personal information or letting me take photos for that matter. I feel like an era is over and that has made it hard to continue here in my little corner of cyberspace. But, I’ve been soul searching and going to therapy, which turns out are the same thing, and I realized that writing is my jam. I acknowledge that I like it, love it and really want to hone it. What better place to do that than here.
So it’s back to the drawing board, literally. My goals is to write about what is in front of me – the sights, the sounds and the experiences. My goal is to be authentic and get a little (or a lot) personal.
My goal, really, is to write.